the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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