He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
