That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
