Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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