Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
