$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
