I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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