What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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