you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
