Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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