Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
