I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
