when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
