the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
