Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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