so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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