So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
