He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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