Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
