Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
