I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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