i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
