if i can run in heels then i can drive
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
