so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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