My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
