I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
