Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
