i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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