It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
