I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
