Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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