I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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