Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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