just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
