you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
