nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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