5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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