a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
