its not stalking. its research.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
