its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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