shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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