Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How external is "for external use only"?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
