just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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