it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
