I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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