I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
