i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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