I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
