Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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