trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
