we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
