I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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