There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize