Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
