im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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