1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
