So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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