good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
