On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
