I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
