I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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