Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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