Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
