She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
operation have a gay friend backfired
areolas are like halos for boobs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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