member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
