Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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