Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
