Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
