I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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