a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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