im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
