I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
