i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
