I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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