Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
