just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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